there is something deeply gratifying about selfish knitting. it brightens my day, warms my soul and brings a smile to my face. I always love the yarn I choose for me. and I think I have really great taste in patterns. I forgive myself when things don't go as planned and I don't hold a grudge if I don't finish something I told myself I'd finish or even if I never start something I said I would. I'm very understanding if I'm too busy to work on a project because of other obligations. I'm also willing to let other obligations slide if I really want to work on a project. in fact, I am almost painfully accomodating! I am awesome!

I don't even know why I waste my time knitting for other people. it's not that anyone I've knit for has been ungrateful or that I don't enjoy working on those projects and I'm no more or less excited to finish. and FO is an FO regardless of where it's headed next. (oh, who am I kidding? sometimes I really do hate the way gifts can be such a time suck and keep me away from knitting something for myself. me! me!!) but I don't think anyone appreciates things I've knit for them anywhere near as much as I do when I knit for myself. yet, I continue to knit things for others. what in the world makes me do it? why must I be so damn giving? why am I such a nice person? why isn't there a font that you can use for sarcasm? you can use bold or italics when you need extra emphasis on something, but what if you need a little extra sarcasm? how can people tell? someone needs to come up with something. is there a congressman or someone I can contact about this? what was I talking about? did I get off topic again? hello?

oh, right. I want to be more selfish. it's in my nature, really. I really am selfish. but I guess I just wish it were more socially acceptable so I could be all, "oh, right. happy birthday. excuse me while I got knit me some socks." unfortunately, I want to keep my friends so I don't have as much time to be selfish as I want. I have all these gifts that are half-done and overdue, yet, not so deep down, all I want to do is knit for me me me! I need to figure out a way to make myself finish stuff so I can focus more on me. but, instead, I find myself thinking "I'll just finish this one thing for me, and then I can focus on finishing X for so-and-so." but even though I have 100 gifts to make, I have something like 10,000 things that I want to make for myself. this is what seems to have led to the half-finishedness and overduededness of these gifts. but... my ponchette... (pout)

ok, fine, knitting for other people is still gratifying. but, it's just not the same as selfish knitting. I really do like giving gifts. really! sigh. it will be a wonder if I can get all these done in time for next year's birthdays. someone say a prayer to the knitgods for me... I need help from a higher power. cuz, wow, how many times did I say "me" in this post??