the other day, as I was pulling out of my parking space at work, I had this horrible feeling that something was amiss... a few seconds later, I realized what it was. I hadn't peed all day! all day!! I quickly tried to tally up just how many cups of coffee and tea and water I'd consumed that day and came to the conclusion that it was a lot. what was wrong with me? the worst part was, I had a good 35 minutes before I'd reach my final destination. no need to go into any gory details, but have you ever noticed that the second you realize that you didn't do something, the more you feel the need to do it and then the more you try not to think about doing it, the more you can't help but think about it and the more you think about it, the harder it is to not pee on yourself? and it's raining outside? just wondering.

how cute is this shirt? isa's birthday is coming up and I feel the overwhelming urge to spend large amounts of money buying her things she doesn't care about.

I've been having this sinking feeling lately that my desire to knit all day and night is beginning to wane. actually, I do really want to knit (or is it just that I want to have finished projects?), but trying to find the energy to do so is proving to be fruitless at the moment. since when did knitting take energy? when I was first learning how to knit, I would stay up for hours with just a pair of needles, a ball of yarn and my mom's knitting book from the 70s, propped up in my bed, trying to make sense of all the little diagrams and weird knitting lingo. I felt so triumphant when I was finally able to purl and started knitting yards and yards of seed stitch. there was such satisfaction in just being able to do the littlest thing.

in some ways, I feel like I've come so far. but then when I think about the whole wide world of knitting out there, I realize that there is so much more for me to learn! and I want to learn it! and I can't tell if I'm feeling unmotivated or maybe I'm daunted by all I don't know. but man, the slow-down of the last few weeks doesn't seem to be turning around. *sigh*

as for more exciting news, the yahoo group for my dorm from my freshman and sophomore years in college has experienced something of a resurrection in the last week or so. there's been a sudden surge of emails as people have been coming out of the woodwork like mad! it's been nice to read about what's been happening in people's lives in the last few years - both the good stuff and the not so good stuff. sometimes I feel a little sad that I went to school far away and that everyone I knew seemed to come from all over the place and after we graduated, we all kind of went our separate ways... especially since I am really terrible at keeping in touch with people. but, hooray for the internet and hi to any of my fellow alumni who just might have made it through all that boring knitting talk up there and have reached this part of this post. I've missed you! hello!!

the sweater continues to abuse me. I had to back away and do some baking instead. why does my knitting revolt? why does my brain cease to function when it comes into contact with wool and needles? I forgot to bind off for the armpit before starting the left side. and I didn't notice until about an hour or so later - when I'd gotten almost halfway done. such... frustration... no... words...!! so instead, I'm going to go stuff my face with 30 chocolate chip cookies and go to bed. mmrrfmmfffmmmrm... zzzzzzz...

the sweater of olympic shame and I have been struggling with one another for a while now. it's boring me to tears, really. and it resents me for the constant barrage of verbal abuse. so I guess we're even. but it's growing! slowly but surely... back and right side are done. just got the left now, and, if all goes well, there may even be sleeve(s) getting started soon. the burning question: will this be finished in time for isa's birthday??
here is one pattern repeat for the reversible rib shawl. it's actually a very easy and fast knit, which is why I can envision this also boring me to death at some point. but it's so soft and pretty... and for me! I did notice, recently, that I spent the first four rows or so forgetting to sl1 at the beginning and end of the even rows. so it looks a little bunchy on the corners. I debated for a few seconds whether or not I should rip back and decided on not. and I subconsciously cut them out of this picture. but, I think I'm going to really love this when it's finished... some day...

and, finally, little butterfly. I made the picture as small as I could, because, really, there isn't even anything to see. remember how I frogged it because I thought it looked too holey? well, since then, I recast on us6s and did one pattern repeat. looks good so far, but kind of small... I'm wondering if it'll block out bigger than I think or if I should (smack self in head) go back to the 7s. ugh. this has been sitting dormant for a long time - as if you couldn't tell. this is by far the most fun knit of the three, but I haven't gotten to the point where I don't have to look at the pattern anymore so it's near impossible to watch, say, lost while attempting to work on it. I mean, hell-O!! did anyone else see this week's episode?? I couldn't do anything except gape at the tv. good god, I'm glad things are getting interesting again. I could launch into a tirade, I mean commentary, about what transpired, but I'll spare you all. I think I was talking about butterfly. unfortunately, this isn't even catepillar yet. it's not even a larvae. it's barely a twinkle in the mama butterfly's eye. *sigh*

I just want to say that I love those volkswagen commercials with the german guy who unpimps people's rides. especially the one where his german assistant goes over to the car that's about to get unpimped, which has "flame" emblazoned on it, peels off the "F" and sticks it on the owner guy's shirt, proclaiming, "you get an F!" vee-dub. it's great. if you know how I feel about rice rockets, you will understand why I feel particularly excited about these ads. not a huge vw fan, but I do love the commercials. plus, the guy reminds me of dieter from sprockets, but he's more like gangsta dieter. cariboooou...

and as long as we're talking about advertising, my friend and I were talking about that 24 hour nba channel the other day and the evils of cable companies. she had mentioned how they always give you a free week of the channel at the beginning of the season to suck you in - well, suck her husband in. we came to two conclusions: 1. the marketing staff at cable companies must be retired drug pushers - where else would they be coming up with this "try it for free! you'll love it - and then you won't be able to live without it and we'll charge you up the butt for a whole year of this" business? 2. wives who allow their husbands to buy the 24 hour nba channel are probably having an affair.

ps. I keep meaning to take some progress pics of my ongoing knitting projects, but I keep forgetting until I'm here at work and don't have them with me. I promise some knitting content soon! really!

so, it was a semi-crazy, eventful weekend. I'll spare you the details, but, in summary, the bro and the future sister in law are happily planning for married life, the baby is sick for the third time this month (what's up with that??) and the me is tired. good friends visiting from out of town, lots of family, a haircut, nice weather... so, the weekend had its ups and downs, but, all in all, it was pretty good. it's kinda nice to be back at work for some uneventfulness, though.

I found a white hair on saturday. it was after I'd come home from getting my hair cut and had showered and was greasing up my head in the bathroom. all of a sudden, I noticed a particularly bright gleam in my hair. after gasping loudly and squinting at the mirror to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me, I ran downstairs to my brother and demanded he pull it out. I can't say I'm that upset about it, but this is my first white hair ever! that's kind of momentous, isn't it? I really should have taken pictures or gotten it on video or something.

as long as we're on the topic of hair, I just want to state for the record that I love my hair stylist. and, if I were a gay man, I would most certainly propose marriage just so I could keep him in my house and have him at my beck and call 24 hours a day. how wonderful would that be? as it stands, I really can't afford to keep going to him since his rate has almost doubled since I started seeing him back in 2000, but I just can't pull myself away. I am convinced there isn't a single stylist out there besides him that can do my hair justice. so, instead, I just try to drag out the spaces between appointments until my hair gets so shaggy, that I have no choice but to go back. this is starting to sound like some kind of sick addiction. but it's true... my name is susan, and I'm addicted to my hair stylist.

I realized that I never mentioned that I'm also working on a reversible rib shawl in rowan kidsilk haze. it is going so slowly (kinda like everything else I'm "knitting" these days) and it's such a simple pattern that you'd think I couldn't possibly make any mistakes. but of course I'd make mistakes! maybe I'm under the impression that I knit faster than I actually do, or that whole rows must get knit when I'm not paying attention, which is why when I got to the end of my second cable row, I came to realize that I had gotten ahead of myself and cabled on row 20 instead of 21! I cabled too soon! how did that happen?

after muttering some unbecoming things, I began slowly tinking the row back. tinking ksh cables is a royal pain in the booty. so far, I've only gotten through half the row (that's how lazy I've become) - it's sitting on the couch at home right now. but, as long as we're talking about ksh - does anyone have any tips on how to join the next ball? I've never really made anything with kidsilk before and, although I'm miles from actually doing so, knowing how to join the next ball of yarn is something I think is going to come in handy.

there has been more tinking and frogging than actual knitting in my house this week. knitting progress has been in the red. sad, really. but I'm so tired and haven't the energy to knit. hopefully things will pick up soon and I will have some fun new FO's to show off sometime in the not too distant future!

but, tonight - tonight, I have to buy something to wear tomorrow... and, no, this doesn't count as "shopping", since I don't really want to do it, but I need to. my brother's engagement shindig is tomorrow and, silly me, I thought I lived in california and that spring started in march. but, apparently, the earth has shifted this year and the spaghetti-strapped dress I was going to wear just isn't going to keep my teeth from chattering in this weird weather. so, tonight, I go in search of a sweater/dressy shirt of some sort that is not black (like everything else I seem to own...), but all I can do is wish that I could knit an entire sweater between leaving work at 5 today and 130pm tomorrow. wouldn't that be great? if whole sweaters could be knit in mere hours? I would be so much more accomplished if that were the case.

but for now, I just count the minutes until I can get my butt out of here! friday! yay!

so, a year ago, when I was hugely pregnant and feeling rather brain-dead, I decided to take an online iq test just to see if I had gotten stupid. luckily, things seemed to be going ok up there (that, or the test was really easy) and my iq appeared to be intact.

of course, I totally forgot all about it (just like I forget all about everything these days) until I got an email yesterday saying something along the lines of "it's been a year since you took your test! wanna take it again?" I figure, what the heck, let's see if a year of mommahood does anything to those poor, tired, over(under?)used synapses. and lo and behold... it's true. I've gotten stupider. it was the exact same test. in fact, I actually was like "oh yeahhh... I remember seeing this question before..." yet, I couldn't figure out the answers and my iq dropped two points! gah!

in other news... there is no other news. so, I leave you all with this picture of a big chinese banana. that is in no way intended to be dirty. for those of you who don't read chinese, the banana has the word "big" on it. how weird is that? ironically, it was the smallest one in the bunch. and, you know, I'm just going to stop talking about it, because I can think of all sorts of directions this could go and not a single one of those directions is clean... just stifle those giggles and look at the picture, ok? behold the wonders of chinese produce...

two posts in one morning! what in the world?

anyway... I just wanted to say that I just had a massive sneeze attack. every so often, I have these while I'm in the office. they probably only happen once every couple of weeks, but, man, it's crazy! it's like ten or more sneezes in one minute. I'm not allergic to anything, as far as I know. so, the only logical conclusion is that I must be allergic to work. the last sneeze just now was so violent that I think I pulled something in the side of my neck. I should go home and sleep it off.

the critics say that this season of desperate housewives is lacking, but I still like it. and I watch semi-religiously every sunday night. and, every so often, my mom will sit down halfway through the show and, with a deeply furrowed brow, remark (in chinese), "why do you watch this show? how do you keep track of who all these people are? what's going on? oh no! this is scary!!"

mind you, my mother is not a tv watcher. she's not a movie watcher either. she scares easily at even the slightest hint of scary, gross, suspenseful or violent. when "my big fat greek wedding" was in the theaters, I just had to drag my parents to go see it because I knew they'd love it. up until then, the only movie my mother had seen in the theaters in the last decade was "crouching tiger, hidden dragon" and had complained that it was too scary and violent. and that the chinese was terrible. so, on the way to the theater to see greek wedding, she asked, skeptically, and in total seriousness, "is this going to be scary? are there guns?"

anyway, I made use of the commercial breaks last night to do some quick recapping of the show and explaining of what was happening to my mom. and the more I explained, the more I realized that the storyline just gets more and more ridiculous. nonetheless, I continue to be entertained. so, mom's been caught up and, more or less, has a handle on what's going on over on wisteria lane, though she doesn't know anyone's name and she thinks the show is far too nerve-wracking. but who would have thought that the woman who was afraid to go see "my big fat greek wedding" for fear of guns would be getting into desperate housewives?

meanwhile, after completing a sad nine repeats of the hem pattern for butterfly, I've decided that it's just a little too open for me and have frogged and re-cast on smaller needles. but, it should be fine, since I think I've gotten a handle on the pattern now and it shouldn't be *too* long before I've completed the hem. oh, what I mean is, now is a good time to refocus and really get down to business finishing isa's sweater. her first birthday is quickly approaching and there is much work to do! let's try not to think about the fact that I wanted to clean up a bit and cut the long dangly ends off her sweater a few nights ago and, in doing so, unwittingly went a little scissor crazy and cut off the working yarn. *sigh* I really am losing my mind, aren't I?

those who have ridden in my car or followed me in my car know that I am a victim of the red light curse. as in, no matter where I'm going, I hit ALL the red lights. of course, it goes into high gear whenever I'm in a rush to get anywhere or am already in a bad mood. but, when I want to take my time or need a couple seconds to be stopped to do something, I hit all greens! what gives? for example, this morning, I wanted to take some pictures of the snow on the hills, but I seriously hit all green lights the whole way to work! of course, as I neared mcdonald's, I realized I had a lot of extra time, so I pulled off and got some tasty breakfast. and some pictures. look at this craziness. what is up with the weather this year? has the earth tilted off it's axis or something? not that I'm complaining. I prefer 40 degrees to 80 any day.

I was trying to close the stream for my morning radio show that I often listen to at work and it got stuck like a broken record! so crazy - it was some commercial with some kid talking to his dad and his dad said that when he was in high school, they used to call him velvet, "you know, smooth." to which the kid responds "I don't get it." and so what I heard over and over again, in rapid succession, for the last two minutes was "smooth. I don't get it. smooth. I don't get it. smooth. I don't get it. smooth..." it was so annoying, yet amusing at the same time. I managed to finally get it to stop. whew. someone hand me my coffee, quick.

it's day 10 of lent. this came to me in the mail yesterday. I wonder if there is a piece in there about my consumer habits, considering I am a consumer on this globe in the 21st century. I haven't read it yet, but I suspect there are a lot of people out there who also have a problem with shopping too much. and I don't think the giant pictures of bags and shoes are helping any of us.

last bit of randomness for this week... I think I'm going bald. no, not the top of my head, but the front. as in my eyelashes have been falling out at an alarming rate. I dig them out of my eyeballs on what seems to be a daily basis. sometimes there are even two or three in one eye at a time! is this normal? should I be concerned? and why do they fall in and not out? I don't think I'd be too worried if I actually had nice full eyelashes with lots to spare, but really, it's hard enough to work with what I have. this is just ridiculous.

ok, that's enough ranting for today. it's friday! woot!!

one of the great perks of my boring job is that we get free lunch. granted, it's usually pretty un-tasty, but it's free - the best kind of free, too. no cooking, no cleaning, no paying, not even having to pick it up. every day, I get an edible (usually) meal delivered straight to my desk right around noon. even today, when I didn't get in until 12:10, there was a meal waiting for me. it almost makes up for the lack of dental insurance. almost. it does not quite make up for the zero vacation hours I get to accrue this, my first, year. the getting in at 9 and leaving promptly at 4:55pm almost makes up for that part. but, all in all, this is a good, brainless, stressless job and I am incredibly thankful for it.

why am I posting about work? I have no idea. I do know that I had two (count 'em! TWO!) large cups of coffee this morning. the second had a double shot of espresso in it. I am feeling gooooood right now. mmm... there is something calming about loads of caffeine rushing through my system with no food to slow it down. it's a great way to follow up several unsatisfying nights of pseudo-sleep.

anyway, since I'd told my boss I wouldn't be in until noon today, and the necessary errands had been taken care of by 11, I decided to stop by borders to peruse (not buy! I am fully aware that lent is still going on... 32 more days of it this!) the knitting books. I don't know why I do this to myself - I am one who is often weak in the face of temptation. but I was good and I didn't buy anything. I really wanted to! but I didn't. but I REALLY REALLY wanted to!! but I didnt... and I thought to myself, dude, when lent is over, on easter sunday, I am totally going to go on a shopping spree! less than a second later, I realized that the crazy-talk had taken over and I had to make it stop. good thing I have 32 more days to realize the point of this exercise - which I guess I do know, in theory, but that's 32 days to know in practice. in the meantime, all you generous (and beautiful and smart and charming!) people out there, feel free to do your part to help me out.

am I the only one who is finding randy jackson painfully irritating this season? was he this bad before? I just wish he'd stop talking already. and I really wish I'd started knitting lace earlier. if only I hadn't been so intimidated by all those weird, foreign looking abbreviations and the long long pattern repeats - and the charts! all that ssk, sl1 k2tog psso, k2tog tbl, yfwd... wtf? and then all that / o \ business... it's like learning a new language! if only I'd had some fancy lace knitting friends or a friendly lys that wasn't so far away to help me decifer the code. but since I've discovered the amazing world of knitblogs (where did I ever spend all my online hours before??), I have been so motivated to just suck it up and do it however I can and not glance back for a single moment! and, as I had hoped, subsequent repeats of the butterfly trim are going much more smoothly and quickly for me. I'm learning! *whew* I'd post pictures, but it is just embarrassing how slowly I'm going. because, of course, "quickly" for me is still slower than pretty much any analogy that I would be able to think of if I weren't so sleep deprived that I can barely keep track of which eye I should blink when, let alone come up with well worded analogies for my blog. I'm just going to blink them both at once so I don't get too confused. wait, what? where am I? it's true, isa's sleeping really badly these days, for some reason I just can't quite figure out, and it's not only making me crazy from lack of sleep, but she keeps getting up to scream at me during prime knitting time! needless to say, that doesn't help my snail's pace lace knitting. why am I knitting lace when I've still got my olympic shame to finish? *sigh* God willing, she will resume her good sleeping habits and knitting will get done and tv will get watched and I can regain my sanity some time in the near future. oh, man, I've even reverted to my giant paragraphing ways (not to mention the many run on sentences). and I am way too tired to even think about going back and breaking this up into easier to read chunks. sorry, frailb - I know my giant paragraphs make you crazy. but you don't read my blog anyway, so there. and here's a pic of a cute thai baby - just cuz pictures are fun.

if my eyes do not deceive me, I believe something wonderful is coming to town sometime in the not so distant future! to confirm that my eyes were, in fact, working properly, I put my camera phone to use and have posted this here for all to see. I'm getting hungry...

look at what happened in my backyard today. it was a day filled with crazy weather - crazy (but fun!) for this part of california, anyway. I picked up a few hail pellets to show isa and she promptly ate them. she's always had a good appetite.

case in point, one of her favorite toys these days is my ipod. which is good, since I pretty much never use it - at least it can bring entertainment to someone. she gets really excited when the backlight comes on and bops her head along with pretty much any song. unfortunately, the little speaker attachment has apparently been deemed "tasty snack" and has been saturated with a good helping of isa-love. it stopped working after a few too many chompings and is now airing out on the table. I hope there isn't any permanent damage.

after a few false starts, I finally managed to do one whole pattern repeat of the first layer of the trim for butterfly! at this point, it feels like this is going to take forever and it looks pretty sad, but I guess this is my first real lace project... I just gotta get past the trim (which I suspect will pick up speed soon enough) and then I think I'll be in the clear. the pattern for the body looks super easy. and I'm really excited about someday maybe finishing it! in the meantime, I should get back to isa's sweater, lest it get neglected again. this is how's it's been looking for the last few days. it says "gimme some lovin', lazybutt!" alright, already... so demanding...

hi, pasty, unappetizing, uncut sandwich. hi, thick, lukewarm au jus in a styrofoam cup. (hey, sharp pencil back there! I love you!) lucky for you two, I'm hungry and I don't mind cold meat juice. waddup, quizno's? what ever happened to those awesome deranged rodents you had on your tv ads a few years back? those were the glory days... now? now I'm sitting here eating this cold (I thought these were supposed to be toasty? because they toast them?) sandwich with this cold meat juice. it doesn't taste bad. it doesn't taste great, either. and as big of a turn off they, and the little black flecks of who knows what on the bread, are when I look at them, why do I sit here, debating whether or not I should drink the remaining au jus? because I'm bored out of my mind. this is the longest thursday everrr... is anyone else out there as bored as I am? anyone? anyone?? beuller??